Someone To Blame
by sailor silvimoon
Summary: Months after Ric's death Damon is still hurting. (set after 4x02, but before 4x03) WARNING: character death.


Title: **SOMEONE TO BLAME  
**Type: One-shot  
Pairing: Damon S., Alaric S. (and everyone else in the background: Stefan, Elena, Jeremy)  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship  
Rating: T (just to be safe)  
Chapters: 1/1  
Status: Complete  
Summary: Months after Ric's death Damon is still hurting. (set after 4x02, but before 4x03) WARNING: character death.

* * *

**AN/** I'm focused on DALARIC right now, and there will be more of them. Hope you like this little one-shot. Damon is OOC a bit, but not even a strong vampire as he was can forever remain strong and hold everything within himself. It was about time for him to snap.

Let me know what you think.

DISCLAIMER: don't own Vampire Diaries

* * *

Damon was sitting in front of the fireplace, half bottle of Bourbon in his hand, few empty ones lying on the floor. In his other hand was a picture. A picture taken about a year ago. Picture of him and Ric.

Suddenly, he heard a car pull, then after a second, another one. Without turning, he knew who would walk through the door. The whole Scooby Gang. Probably to discuss how to deal with another threat here in Mystic Falls. After all, they had their memorial few months ago. They let go of the past by lighting lanterns and then watch them fly toward the heaven. Japanese floating lanterns, as a symbol of letting go of the past. He refused to participate, simply because he wasn't ready to let it go. He doubted he would ever be ready, ready to admit to himself the truth that hurt his heart. Ric was dead. His only friend in over 150 years was gone… Only once had he felt such pain, and that was when his mother died. However, this was more intense, because he was a vampire now…heightened emotions and all…

Most of the time, through the last few months, he spent sitting in front of the fireplace, just like today, drinking the pain away, caressing the only picture he had of two of them together. He would get lost in the memories…two of them drinking together, fighting together…just spending their time together…He refused the memory of him holding Ric's lifeless body entering his mind…but…he couldn't help it, and that memory always brought the tears to his eyes.

But, today he didn't feel like he was capable dealing with all of them. No, not today. However, as always, no one cared what he wanted, how he felt.

"Get out."

"What?" Stefan asked, halting at the doorway, looking at his brother, then at the disaster all around. "Why? And please tell me what got into you to destroy the room again." He was eying his brother closely, noticing clenched jaw, stiff body, almost drunken state…the picture he was holding…and suddenly he realized. He was pissed, angry, desperate, grieving…his emotions were hirewire…

Yes, he knew about that picture. He walked on him one night when Damon was drunk to oblivion. It broke his heart seeing his brother like that, holding that picture, and actually crying. He couldn't remember the time he saw him crying like that. But he didn't said anything, didn't alert him of his presence, knowing that Damon would hate him forever if he'd new…Damon was a tuff guy, never showing he had weakness.

"Stefan. Get out." Damon repeated through his teeth.

"Damon…" Elena started, but suddenly Damon was in front of her and growled.

"Elena. Today is not the day you want to mess with me. I'm done asking you nicely. Get the fuck out of my house!"

But, Elena was holding tight. She wasn't fazed by Damon's rudeness, she was used to it.

"What's wrong Damon? Please talk to me, to us…"

"Talk, talk, talk! That's all you do! And look where it got you! Can your talk bring back the dead? I don't think so! Now, get out before I physically throw you out!"

"Is this about Alaric?" Elena asked, realization dawned.

"You don't get to say his name!" Damon hissed. He was shaking, holding by the thread, before loosing it all together.

Those who were listening were speechless. Caroline and Bonnie were eyeing Damon suspiciously, not knowing what to expect from enraged vampire. Stefan was afraid. Afraid, not that Damon would actually hurt Elena, no, he was suddenly afraid he would lose his brother. Never had he seen him in this state, and now when he knew it was about Ric… He always suspected Damon loved Ric. Not romantically, no, but there was something between them, some kind of strange relationship…

Stefan returned to what was going on around him, when Elena, after a minute, asked.

"Are you blaming me for his death?"

"Yes, Elena. I blame you."

Finally, it was out. He wasn't paying attention on Bonnie and Caroline who immediately started to defend Elena, although he did noticed Stefan remained silent after his statement.

"You can't mean that." Elena whispered, eyes wide, tears threatening.

"I can and I do! If you hadn't gone and talked to Ester, none of it would've happen. But noooo, Elena Gilbert, 18 year old child knows best! Why would anyone listen to a 170 year old vampire with experience. No. He is a liability. He cares too much! Guess what, Elena! Today I don't care about anything!"

"Why today of all days?" Stefan asked, looking at his brother. He never thought he'd see the day Damon would lash out at Elena. And it frightened him. He saw his eyes when Damon looked at him. So much pain were in those, usually, bright blue eyes.

"Today's Alaric's birthday." A new voice answered the question.

"O, baby Gilbert! Did Ric the ghost tell you to join the party?" Damon asked, and Jeremy nodded.

Jeremy was actually in the house for awhile now, hearing everything, and he wasn't surprised no one sensed him. Everyone was focused on Damon and Elena. He was more surprised that Damon showed so much emotion. And he wasn't the only one.

"He is hurting so much." Ric told him.

Jeremy didn't want to say anything. He knew words would mean nothing to Damon. Ric told him Damon was a ticking bomb right now, better to leave alone, because his emotions were all over the place. And he could see that. But he was surprised to see Ric actually crying while they watched Damon raging and fuming.

"You don't mean that. You care. I'm sorry I said that…" Elena tried to sooth Damon, but with no success.

"The sad part is that I actually do mean it. You know, there's a saying that is perfect for right now. There's a thin line between love and hate. Guess what, I've just cross it. I hate you Elena! I hate you more then I hate Katherine."

Elena was at loss. She loved him. Only now, when she was a vampire herself, she could completely understand what Stefan meant.

FLASHBACK

_"What's the best part about being a vampire?" She asked._

_"Ahh. You feel like you could do anything. Be anyone. Beautiful things are more beautiful. Everything's heightened, you know, just a little bit more intensely, love more powerfully."_

_"And the worst?"_

_"Ah, you know the worst."_

_"Aside from the blood."_

_"Anger becomes rage. When you're sad, you're in despair. Grief. Loss. It can cripple you. That's why so many of us turn our emotions off. It just becomes... Too overwhelming. You know, for a while, for me, the good just wasn't worth the bad."_

_"How long before you learned to handle both?"_

_"Well, I'm still trying. Every day. What else?"_

END OF THE FLASHBACK

And she knew Damon was grieving now. '_Grief. Loss. It can cripple you_.' Stefan's words echoed in her mind. She didn't know though how to help him. Or if he would accept her help. No. he couldn't hate her. She can't lose him. She needed him now more then ever.

Damon couldn't stand being here in this room anymore. He felt suffocated. He had to leave. The pain…it was too much…he was breaking…Not even the love he felt for Elena once could make him stay… He needed only one person right now, and that person was dead. The hole he felt from the moment Ric took his last breath was now bigger than anything…

He was lost…nothing mattered now… only this pain… and he wanted to hurt her, so he asked the only question he knew it would hit the mark.

"How many more people must die for you?"

And then he was gone.

Elena was silently crying in the arms of her best friends, Bonnie and Caroline. Stefan moved toward the window, looking at the distance, and Jeremy stayed not far away. He wasn't sure whether to go or stay, but somehow he felt he should stay. Ric was absent… _'Probably went after Damon.'_ Jeremy thought.

/

And he was right. Ric found Damon crying his heart out on his tombstone. It broke his heart seeing him like that. Night after night, day after day, he spent near him, watching helplessly. He saw Damon destroying rooms in a fit of rage, he saw tears, he saw him drinking until he couldn't feel anymore. He even saw Damon playing with his daylight ring. He knew about heightened emotions, and what they can do to a vampire. Suddenly, he was afraid for his friend. He knew Damon was feeling too much, knew he was feeling all alone in the world…after everything Elena choose Stefan over him once again…

"I can't do this anymore… I miss you… I don't have any strength left in me… I need you… this hole in me…it's getting bigger and bigger every day…I never told you, but you were my strength, you were my rock, and when everything was crushing down I knew I could count on you…and now, I have no one… I have nothing…just this hole in my heart… You were my only friend, Stefan doesn't count, he is my brother, he is bound to love me, but you, you accepted me as I am, you didn't try to change me… you knew to push when I needed it, you knew when to leave me alone…you were more than drinking buddy to me…"

Ric desperately wanted to hug him, knowing that that was what his vampire friend needed the most right now, but he could only watch and listen while the said vampire poured his soul on the rock beneath him. Somehow, the words alerted him, but he was afraid to leave Damon alone, even for a moment, to go and fetch Stefan. Therefore, he stayed. Damon seemed a bit calmer when he continued.

"I don't know you're even listening to me right now, or you are enjoying your afterlife with angels…Jenna is probably by your side…"

Ric had to laugh at that. And, it was true, when he wasn't looking after Damon and what went on in Mystic Falls, he spent time in Jenna's company. In fact, she was the one who welcomed him when he arrived.

"I've said some mean words to Elena earlier, you know. I said I blame her for your death. Part of me knows that wasn't the case, but…I need someone to blame… I said I hate her…and sometimes I think I do because she makes me feel…but I also love her…how twisted is that… Truth is, I should really blame myself. If I hadn't killed you, twice, then Ester wouldn't use you for her evil plan…"

Damon pulled out the picture he always carried with him, then lied down close to the tombstone. His finger caressed Alaric's name written on it. Ric was amazed by the gentleness in that act. In instant Damon started crying again, he was worried.

"The guilt…the loneliness… is killing me…I can't…this pain is too much…you have no idea how much I need you right now…I wasn't good enough…I'm never good enough…I'm so sorry…I need you…I can't take it anymore…"

/

Ric was now certain Damon would do something stupid, and a second later, he materialized in front of Jeremy who was still in Boarding house with everyone else.

"Jeremy! Tell Stefan he has to hurry! He has no time!"

"What?" Jeremy asked, focusing everyone's attention to himself. He was surprised by Ric's teary face and fright in his eyes.

"Please! No time to explain! Tell Stefan to hurry. My grave!"

"Stefan? Ric said you should hurry to his grave." Jeremy said. When Stefan remained standing by the window, he continued more urgently, repeating Ric's words." If you don't want to lose your brother forever, you should run!"

Stefan's eyes widened in realization and in a flash, he was gone, praying he would arrive in time. He couldn't lose his brother. He just couldn't!

"What's going on? Elena asked. Is Damon ok?"

"I don't know. All I know is what I told Stefan. Ric said there was no time for explanation, but…" Jeremy answered, not sure if he should say everything. From what he saw today, he suspected they would soon have another funeral.

"But what?" Elena prompted.

"I have my suspicion, and I'm afraid Stefan won't arrive in time."

"For God's sake, Jeremy, what are you talking about?" Elena was now near hysterical.

"Use your brain, Elena!" Jeremy finally snapped. "You're a vampire now, you know very well what's going on! Stop being in denial! Ric was Damon's only friend and he died in his arms! You choose Stefan again! How do you think Damon feels? He is strong, I admit that, but even he can't take it all. He has no one."

"He has me, he has his brother!"

"If you think he would stay so you can play with his heart for eternity…"

"I'm not playing with his heart!" Elena said appalled. However, looking at Caroline and Bonnie, she could see they all thought different.

"So, what do you suspect he would do?" Caroline asked, trying to move from this topic. "Flip the switch?"

"No. Worse." Jeremy answered.

Everyone in the room knew what that meant. Death.

/

Stefan was running faster than ever before, praying he would make it in time. But, when he arrived at the cemetery, the lying figure on the floor told him he was late. He dropped to his knees, and pulled the lifeless body of his brother into his arms. Damon's eyes were closed, tears evident on his face, the sacred picture was still in his clenched fist, and the stake in his heart. Damon was gone.

"No. No. No. No. No." Stefan repeated franticly, but it was no use. There was nothing that could bring his brother back. "No. You're not dead. You can't be! I need you. I need my brother!"

Ric, who arrived before Stefan, watched helplessly when Damon pushed the stake through his own heart. Minute later Stefan appeared. And now, he watched another vampire in agony. Time passed, it was already night when Stefan stopped crying over his dead brother body, and stood up. He carried him to the family crypt, which was near by, and gently placed Damon on the cold stone. He would deal with the funeral tomorrow; he didn't had the strength right now. Broken, he walked through the door of his home. Everyone was still there. One look was enough. They knew what happened. Damon was dead.

"How.?" Bonnie asked. Even though he wasn't her favorite person, she didn't want him dead. Not anymore.

"Stake through his heart." Stefan answered emotionless. He had no more tears left.

Caroline was holding Elena. Even she was crying.

"Ric said you don't have to worry about Damon anymore. He'd found his peace." Jeremy said, and for the first time today, Stefan managed small smile.

"I'm happy for him. Ric?" Stefan said, looking at Jeremy questionably.

"He is still here." Jeremy answered.

"Tell him I love him, and I'll always will."

/

Damon opened his eyes, and immediately noticed the warmth around him. Warmth and love. He felt familiar scent, turned around and gasped.

"Mother?"

Beautiful black-haired woman with bright blue eyes smiled and spread out her hands in invitation. Damon didn't need to think, second later he was sobbing like a child, cuddling in his mother arms. He wiped his tears away when he felt another presence.

"Rose? Andie?" Two women that held part of his heart, beside Elena, or his mother. They pulled him in a hug, laughing.

Damon was more than happy sitting here, talking with his mother, Rose and Andie, but his heart was longing for his best friend. _Why wasn't he here?_ Was the question that troubled him. He saw Jenna and even Isobel, they also greeted him here, but there was no Ric. Turmoil entered his heart. _Where was Ric?_ Even though he didn't show it, his mother knew what troubled his heart. Blue eyes met blue as she caressed his face.

"Patience!" She said, and he felt calm washed over him.

Yes, he can be patient. He will be patient. As long as he knows he will see his best friend. Apparently his thoughts were visible to his mother because she chuckled.

"Oh, how I missed your stubborn face."

"O, he can be very stubborn when he wants something." A familiar voice said behind him that brought tears to Damon's eyes.

Slowly, he turned, and was met with familiar hazel eyes. He couldn't speak, his throat was dry, eyes wide, he was frozen. All of the sudden he was afraid. Afraid he had somehow disappointed him. Afraid that he would think he was week by ending his life…afraid that he didn't needed him anymore…

Alaric knew what was going on in Damon's heart. That was a privilege of being the best friend. So he did the only thing that could calm him. He smiled, and said two simple sentences.

"Welcome home, my friend. I've missed you too."

And that was all Damon needed. He wasn't worried he would look emotional anymore. No, in the short time he was here, there was one thing he'd learned. It was ok to show how you felt. No one would laugh or criticize you, or think any less of you. Here, he could be himself. He was accepted. He finally belonged.

Alaric watched Damon eyes brightened, and his heart swelled with love. This was Damon underneath the mask he always wore. Few times he saw only a glimpse, and that is why he was his friend. He pulled him into a tight hug.

"So? I saw Jenna. You and her patched things up or that's our new mission?" Damon asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Ric, giving him his famous cocky smile.

"Oh, Damon. I've missed you so much." Ric laughed. "And I can see you're going to stir trouble here, like always."

"Who? Me?" Damon asked, feign innocent. Then after a long moment said serious as he could. "I've missed you too."

No other words were necessary. Their souls knew each other perfectly.

* * *

**AN/** This is it. You have no idea how hard it was writing this, how many tears I've shed writing this piece. I hope I was good in all this angst part, putting Damon's emotions so open…He lost his only friend, and not even his brother or Elena mattered. Truth, I didn't intend to include the conversation between Jeremy and Elena, but that just came out. In addition, Rose, Andie and Damon's mother wanted to be there for him on the other side.

Hope you like it. Until next story.


End file.
